A simple tip to unlock better communication around you
Two short stories, a reflection and a question for your peers.
Hello…
Today’s piece is about something I have not embodied with this newsletter recently: consistency. Specifically, the power of being consistent with the tone we set with our communication.
So many of us let life’s little bumps derail our presence and it impacts how freely people communicate with us, but being consistent with the way we show up is one of the easiest ways to improve the quality of our communication and garner trust. This is not so much about content or consistency of message (these are important! but not today’s focus), but more about how safe people feel to communicate effectively in our presence.
The misdirected ripple effect…
I was chatting with a friend the other day and was blown away by what he shared. He’s a super competent mid-senior level operator at a fast-growing listed company, but his manager is so inconsistent that he waits half an hour each morning before deciding how he’s going to interact with said manager each day.
My friend shared:
“Some mornings, he walks in, says good morning to us, and it’s all good. Some mornings, there’s silence - even when we say good morning to him. This does not necessarily mean something’s wrong, sometimes he’s just off in his own world. But sometimes something is wrong… something has bothered him, and it literally renders him unable to respond logically to anything we present. We just loop in circles and can’t progress any decisions. Those days are basically write-offs if we need his approval to progress something.”
My friend introduced the 30-minute waiting period as a coping strategy to ‘check the temperature’ before deciding what he’ll take for discussion that day. Business-critical info and decisions are withheld depending on the daily fluctuations in the vibe that a manager communicates each morning. Astounding.
This example might feel extreme. Poor manager? Maybe, but I’ve seen versions of it all throughout my career. Senior leaders letting the daily bumps of life impact the tone they set for their teams and the way they respond to issues.
And it goes both ways - in a recent survey I undertook with business leaders, all shared that one of the key factors when they’re considering promoting people is how consistently they present themselves. It’s a critical determinant of trust.
Of course, we are not robots, and there will always be things that will knock us off-path. But if we can be intentional about the way we present and aim for consistency most of the time, we’re helping those around us feel safe to speak, act and work.
Old habits die hard (and impacts can last a long time)
I recently worked with a client whose experience with inconsistent communication had lasting impacts. Let’s call her K.
Earlier this year, K was promoted to executive level at her company. She is technically brilliant, loved by her teams and is perfect for the role. But K knew she needed to be able to communicate more confidently and effectively with her peers (who were until recently, her leaders). Every time she spoke with senior figures about anything even remotely challenging or controversial, she fought back rising internal terror over how they would respond. She did a great job hiding it and was generally a very clear communicator. But she felt her anxiety was holding her back at times, often clouding her thinking and ability to respond (because she was so preoccupied anticipating her audience’s response).
Her fear had taken hold very early in her career: her first manager had been incredibly inconsistent in the way she communicated. Sometimes hard conversations were easy. Sometimes easy conversations turned very, very hard - for no apparent reason. There was never any predictability, and K developed a few enduring habits to cope: holding back, treading lightly, preparing for every possible response before she spoke up. She also used an incredible amount of her energy worrying about how people would respond to whatever she was about to contribute. Oh, the cognitive load!
James Hemerling, a prominent business transformation leader and partner at Boston Consulting Group says:
“Leaders who communicate consistently create an environment where employees feel safe to express their ideas and concerns, which fosters innovation.”
You can replace ‘leaders’ and ‘employees’ with ‘people’ and apply this to most aspects of life.
A simple check-in for self-management
There is a lot of research on this topic; the consensus is clear on how important showing up consistently is when it comes to making people feel safe enough to speak up and share their views about important topics. The truth is, most of us already know this and do a really good job of it. But self-reflection is a powerful leadership trait and often, if we’re honest, there’s somewhere we can raise the bar for ourselves.
A good question to ask a trusted peer, partner or friend is: Do you generally feel like you can anticipate the way I will respond in a challenging conversation?
This is about context, not content - we want consistency in the tone we set, the general behaviour that one can expect of us in particular circumstances (note: if you are consistently volatile, this is almost as damaging as inconsistency! We’re aiming for calm, thoughtful, considered. And a daily ‘good morning’!).
It’s helpful to ask people from different areas of your life - you might find some inconsistencies (!) between perceptions of ‘work you’ and ‘home you’.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Also, I’m committing to a little more consistency here!
Have a great weekend,
Larissa