Bypass rejection through connection

Whether you're speaking to a four-year-old or a room of 4000, connection is a powerful tool to gain your audience’s attention.

Photo by Alena Jarrett on Unsplash

“Wan-shang-hao, huan-ying!”

The delight that followed this opening line of a speech couldn’t have contrasted more with the awkward, clunky feeling that stifled a presentation I gave at a conference a couple of years later.

The difference in the two, I realised on reflection, was the level of connection with my audience. Clearly, I was better at giving communications advice than taking it.

Whether you’re speaking to one person or a room of thousands, audience connection is one of your most powerful tools to gain trust and a listening ear.

The first example (my good day at the office!) was the speech I gave at my sister’s wedding.  About 25 people from her husband’s family had flown from China to Australia for the event, most with little to no English. Opening with a welcome in Mandarin (and peppering a few more lines throughout) elicited so much energy from the people who expected to sit through the speeches bored and incomprehensive, that it lifted the whole room – and no matter what happened next, I couldn’t really fail from there.

The other example – let’s call it the flop – was a presentation I gave at a conference a couple of years later. My content was good and relevant to the audience (confirmed afterwards by members of the audience!); it was well prepared, well laid out and delivered succinctly with practical tips. But I failed to really meet them where they were at upfront. It took a LONG time to warm up… it felt awkward, and I knew I didn’t have their focused attention for the first few minutes. It was far from my best.

Connection is a bridge to trust

Information cannot be forced on someone; ideas have to be invited into someone’s mind.

Connection is the precursor to this invitation.

Chris Anderson, head of TED Talks, says human brains are designed to evaluate every single thing they see or hear, because we’ve evolved to protect our brains against dangerous knowledge. Dominating barriers include distrust, scepticism, dislike, boredom, incomprehension - and connection helps find a way through.

“You can give the most brilliant talk, with crystal clear explanations and laser sharp logic, but if you don’t first connect with the audience, it just won’t land,” Anderson says.

We’ve all had the experience where we’ve dismissed advice or feedback, then gratefully accepted the same advice from someone else. The difference? Usually, the level of connection. Your first job when speaking with someone is to connect.

Authentic connection is a fundamental pillar of effective oration

When done well, it shows empathy and emotional maturity, and demonstrates overtly or implicitly that you understand a part of your audience’s world. It’s not about being disingenuous or fake – don’t pretend to be interested in something you’re not in the name of connection!

Any parent or carer knows that if you ask a young child to tidy up a mess, your chance of success is almost zero. If you turn it into a game (joining their world, recognising that play is priority), your odds rise exponentially.

Here’s some very simple examples of prioritising connection.

Let’s say you’re pitching an idea to your company’s Board or management committee and your allocated time is late on their second day of meetings. Taking 20 seconds to acknowledge this upfront is a very simple way to initiate connection, for example: “I’m conscious you’ve had a big two days and I appreciate your time. I’ll cover the most critical info in this brief presentation and leave you with a document outlining the detail. I can respond to questions as we go or follow up via email.”

When addressing a larger audience, it might be asking a question to generate engagement; a popular version is something along the lines of “Who’s ever felt like / had the experience of / wanted to…”.  You’re intentionally signalling to your audience that you’re thinking about them, and their perspective. Using humour, or getting people to clap, stand up or respond are other popular methods.

In a 1:1 conversation, this might look like asking an open-ended question upfront (consciously remembering meaningful details about your listener expands the opportunity).

Good journalists are brilliant at this skill – connecting with their interviewee means better info, and as a bonus, often generates a headline!

The light…

One of the best examples of audience connection I’ve heard was an executive’s response at an online employee event, during Melbourne’s suffocating Covid-induced lockdowns in 2020. The question: What’s your favourite thing about Melbourne?

The brilliance of his answer shines as brightly in my mind today as it did at the time…

“The light… sitting outside on those long, balmy Melbourne summer evenings when it’s light until 10pm and the crickets are singing.”

Every single person on the video call could connect with it. They felt the words. They knew that world.

Anyone who has lived in Melbourne (or experienced its ‘summers’) knows how precious those rare evenings are. They’re like the first of the warm summer days in London when you’ve got the freedom to strip down and enjoy an hour of sunshine on the grass at Hyde Park. Pure joy.

The opportunity for growth

1. In three interactions over the next five days, be intentional about authentically connecting with your listener/s. This can be anyone you interact with verbally.

2. Reflect and evaluate how the conversation / speaking opportunity went. Did you feel like you connected? Did you have your audience’s attention? Would you change anything?

3. If you want to step it up a notch, try it in a situation that hasn’t gone as you’d like in the past – this could be a work conversation, or one with your friend / partner / child etc. I’d love to hear how you go.

Being a little bit more intentional about connecting with your audience will lead to better conversations, better relationships and more successful public speaking.

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.

Thank you for being here,

Larissa

*PS: The challenge to connect in media interviews, when you’re speaking to a broad audience and a smorgasboard of secondary audiences only a social media share away, is more complex. I’ll address this in a future post!